Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Super woman's Kryptonite

Day 15: 31 Days - Super woman's Kryptonite

Without a doubt my biggest struggle is my weight. A dieter since I was nine, I have tried just about every diet in the book healthy or not. I have always been one to look at food and gain five pounds. I hit puberty early and never got over feeling like the girl in that awkward stage.

In high school and college I was thin, athletic and a good weight (though I did not think so at the time). But I fought for it.  I was always tracking what I ate and exercising consistently. Controlling my weight was more difficult after I had my first child and darn near impossible after my last two. I gained sixty-five pounds during my third pregnancy (my second pregnancy ended up with a miscarriage) and am still trying to take off much of that. 

Along the way, I found out I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), a condition that causes cysts to form on your ovaries, messes with your hormones and includes infertility issues (the reason it took 7 years to birth my second baby), hair growth, high testosterone, and insulin resistance, to name a few. It means my body relentlessly craves sugar, like an addict, but is incredibly resourceful at turning sugar to stubborn, hard to get rid of fat.

I told myself three years ago that I'd be in the best shape of my life by the time I'm forty. That milestone comes next week and I have failed. I feel like crap. I'm discouraged, deflated, desperate for an answer. Over the past three years, I have tried everything: trainer, nutritionist, endocrinologist, mayo clinic diet, HCG diet, Weight Watchers, skinny fiber pills, couch to 5 k program, no carb, lo carb, balanced carb. I just can't seem to get the needle even moving. I don't have the money to invest in any more schemes or fixes. Nevertheless, I have a chiropractic appointment and a recommendation for a homeopathic doctor coming up next.

All of this dieting, starting and stopping, yet another "last meal" before embarking on a strict diet plan only to stall out after I see no results has left me heavier and more out of shape than ever in my life. 

This weekend, I go on my company retreat to a nice resort with the promise of decadent food choices.  I'm so worried about the choices I'll have to make. I need strength to choose a healthier path. Last month, I had a business trip to Austin and came back with five more pounds on my 5'1" frame. I cannot afford to gain ANY more weight. So, I cannot go into this weekend blind. My plan is to exercise 1.5 to 2 hours each day, drink a ton of water and to get my husband to make my plate in buffet situations.

I pray God directs my steps. I have no idea which plan to choose or what path to take. I so much want to see results. I want to stop the insanity and live, but live free from this extra weight that is not healthy and causes other symptoms of PCOS. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.