Thursday, October 24, 2013

Superwoman turns 40 and Admits Defeat

Day 24: 31 Days Superwoman turns 40

I have now lived 40 years. One year longer than my oldest brother did. He passed away shortly before his fortieth birthday with a wicked cancer. God called him home and in many ways used his illness to witness to hundreds of people. 

I know God is just beginning in my life. I know that but truthfully, I'm a mess. I am not where I wanted to be by this date. I had a three-year plan to be in the best shape--physically, spiritually, financially, mentally, relationally-- by the time I turned 40. And I'm on my way in some areas, but at the total opposite side of the spectrum in others. And as a result, I feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, like I have failed.

My biggest area of discouragement and disappointment, and in truth, bondage is food addiction and dieting addiction. This began when I was nine years old. It is deep. Ingrained. It has affected every area of my life and every relationship. I'm tired. I want to be free. I'm overweight and unhealthy. I want to be fit, healthy and confident. I'm obsessed. I no longer want food to have such a hold of my life. I am desperate. I have tried so many diets, systems, solutions. I want lasting change. I want success. I want to triumph. I cannot. Only Jesus, the one who conquered the universe, can take me out of this bondage. This is a spiritual issue with physical symptoms.

Lord, Lord, I am crying out. I need you to take these chains and release me. Show me areas that I have not released to you. Help me find true health and develop a healthy relationship with food and my body. Teach me. Lead me. Save me. I am spent. I am yours. Amen.