Thursday, October 3, 2013

Day 3: Superwomen Battles Mommy Guilt

Day 3 of 31 Days in the Life of A Superwomen Sufferer

Tuesday, October 1 kicked off Down syndrome awareness month. I'm pretty involved in advocating for my son and others who have Down syndrome, which is the presence of a third copy of the 21st chromosome. In doing so, I serve on the Down Syndrome Association of Atlanta board and mange it's online properties/content. So this week I needed to update the website, schedule posts, respond to posts, pitch local media on our Buddy Walk and secure more donations for my team.

Mix in a client crisis, recovery from travel, prep for upcoming travel, the launch of my daughter's Daisy Girl Scout program and you have the perfect scenario for supermom guilt and a dose of anxiety.

I got home after the kids had already had their supper and knew I would not have much one-on-one time with them before bedtime. My oldest put my little guy to bed and I was sad that I would miss that special time with him. As I went up to put my 5 year old to bed (who was diligently playing with little people on her bedroom floor), I could not resist peeking in on my son. His sister had left his closet light on and it illuminated his room. Needless to say, he had not yet settled down. So I scooped him up, grabbed his blanket and settled down in the rocking chair for some bedtime cuddles.

As I held him close a deep sense of peace began to wash over me. Raising this little guy brings me so much joy. I truly find it a privelege that God chose us to care for this sweet, sweet child. And I desire for him to have every opportunity we can offer. Along with that desire comes worry. I wonder if we are doing enough to help that little mind grow and develop as best it can. He is in special needs pre-K and has speech  and literacy training once a week. Should we be doing more? Should we get private PT, OT and ST in addition to what he gets at school? Are we doing enough at home to help teach language, words and reading. social skills and physical skills like jumping and balance? I worry if we are paying too much attention to his immediate needs, that we might miss the less obvious but just as important developmental, spiritual and emotional needs of our two daughters. I worry, I pray, I trust God to lead us. 

Yet, all those worries go away when I can sit and rock my guy as he melts in my arms cradling me back. I soak in the feel of his soft skin and kiss his head and he pulls back and signs "I love you" and my heart melts.

It is so worth it.