Monday, November 26, 2012

Connected

I have to start this week by saying that I am proud of myself for giving myself grace so I would not miss an opportunity of connection just because I'm not happy with my physical appearance. This past weekend was my 20-year high school reunion. I had been anticipating this weekend all year with the plans to be about 30 pounds lighter by the time the day arrived. Despite a crash diet, a gym membership and a pricey trainer, I was not successful. I have been battling weight and self image all my life. An awkward stage and early puberty, caused me to become weight conscious at an early age. It eventually became an obsession. I began dieting at age 9 and tried every diet and fad in the book since then. Though fairly slim and athletic by middle school, the damage to my self image was done. I look back at my pictures and wonder "What the heck was I thinking? I was skinny!" But to myself, I never was thin enough and the dieting never ended.

Later, I found out I had medical issues that caused me to gain weight easily and have a hard time taking it off. As the years went by, and three kids came along, I haven't done so well with my battle. Truth be told, I need to eat sugar-free, low carb diet for the rest of my life and I haven't been able to make a 100% commitment to that lifestyle just yet. So as the date of my reunion neared, I had to make a decision. Stay home in hiding or be proud of everything else I have accomplished and seize the night!

A year ago, I would not have gone. But God has been working on me and this year, I went shopping for a nice outfit, put on my spanks and fully enjoyed the weekend. Sure, there were beautiful people who were as slim and trim as they were 20 years ago, just as there were beautiful people who had a little more cushion than back then. But to see the smiling faces with the sparkle in everyone's eye was priceless. To be reminded of the connection we all have was so worth it!

We share a connection that goes beyond keeping up on Facebook. We share a history.We helped each other become who we are today. Some of those people know parts of me better than perhaps even my husband! We share secrets, embarrassing moments, growing pains, heartbreaks, crazy moments and so many good times. The years may have passed, but our connection will never go away. I am so thankful to be reminded of that and to have had the courage to step out and truly have fun and tell those internal voices to take a hike for the weekend. What are your internal voices keeping you from doing? What do you have to lose?

Grace Laced Mondays